The Woman Who Held Us Together
They say, “it takes a village to raise a child,” and this rings even more true for families of disabled children. When a disabled child is added to your family, everything you ever envisioned for this beautiful baby now looks different. You are no longer wondering which will come first, walking or talking. Instead, the questions become: will they walk? Will they talk? Suddenly, specialists and therapists are being added to everything else that comes with a brand new life.
Divorce rates among families with disabled children are significantly higher than those among families without disabled children. My story was no exception. By no means am I saying my parents split because I was born with AMC. They most certainly had other issues, but I do not think it helped. My birth father, whom I will call Donald for the sake of privacy, had unresolved childhood trauma. His father was abusive, and that trauma carried into my childhood. He had a way of putting on a show so that, from the outside looking in, it appeared we had a relatively “normal,” all-American family. I was in the fifth grade when Children Services and the courts sided with my mom and officially granted her permanent custody. The kindest thing Donald ever did for me was giving up his parental rights at that time.
The last time I saw Donald, he was lying in a casket, completely unrecognizable. It had been about twenty-five years since that day in court. How was it that this old, fragile man was the same man I had once been so scared of?
In his absence, many people stepped in, but the first person who comes to mind is my mom’s sister, my Aunt Dayna. She has been and will always be a prominent figure in my life. When Donald would begin to get out of control and it became too much for us to handle, she was always the first call my mom would make. Without hesitation, she would drop everything and come to our rescue. Even in the most difficult circumstances, she was always there. There were several times she moved all of us in with her and her children simply to get us out of truly awful situations. She has always treated us as her own children. For this reason, there are not enough words to express the gratitude and love I have for this woman.
She is and will always be one of my favorite humans. She is loud in all the best ways. Growing up, everyone knew when Aunt Dayna was around. She has always been so full of life. If she doesn’t like you, she makes it known. However, if you are someone she loves, it is one of the greatest gifts you could ever receive. One of my favorite things to do when she came to visit was dump out her purse. You could find some of the most unusual things in it, anything from coins to a screwdriver.
Every family has that “glue” that holds them together. My Aunt Dayna is that person. I am so incredibly blessed to have her be part of my “village.”
